


Ukiyo, Floating World

by Feather_Song



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Chanyeol Being Very Patient, Don't Worry it's Mostly Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Japanese Art, Jongin Being Oblivious, M/M, OC for Plot Development, Somewhat Wistful or Maybe that's Just Jongin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:07:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25418947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feather_Song/pseuds/Feather_Song
Summary: Jongin leant back against the bed frame, staring up at the uneven surface of the ceiling. The words fell from his lips before he could do anything to stop them. “Hey hyung, have you ever kissed a boy?” His heart lurched as he realised what he'd said.
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 13
Kudos: 106
Collections: Kaifectionery Round 4





	Ukiyo, Floating World

**Author's Note:**

> (prompt #46)
> 
> first of all, thank you to the mods, to the recipient, and to my amazing beta stephanie, without whom this would not be at all presentable. i'm sorry if this deviates a lot from what you wanted.
> 
> secondly, some notes:
> 
> \- the central philosophy for this piece accidentally became ukiyo, which initially described aspects of lifestyle in the edo period (1603-1868 japan) but then grew to have a wider, more metaphorical meaning. you can read more about it [here](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ukiyo).
> 
> \- ukiyo-e (as jongin very helpfully explains) was the movement that essentially depicted the ideas of ukiyo, and mostly appeared on woodblock paintings and prints. you can read more about it [here](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ukiyo-e).
> 
> \- the painting that jongin, soohyun, and chanyeol discuss is from a collection called ‘people’ by suh se-ok. if only they had come a little closer to read the label...you can view it [here](https://www.mutualart.com/Artist/Suh-Se-Ok/7D76833241024F3D).
> 
> \- the song that chanyeol and jongin listened to together was ‘always forever’ by ‘the cults’. you can find it [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7_jYYISAbM).

“Look, I’m not saying you should do this or you should do that, I’m just saying this is _one_ of the things every girl appreciates, trust me.” Baekhyun barely looked up from his phone as he shared his wisdom, one leg thrown over another and head propped up on a disinterested Jongdae’s lap. He’d dyed his hair pink a few days ago, not for the first time, and it suited him. Jongin couldn’t decide whether to let him know that the colour was in the process of bleeding into Jongdae’s white t-shirt and possibly their couch cushions though.

He was honestly waiting for the day that Baekhyun realised that bright colours tended to _do that,_ though he wasn’t certain that it would change the pattern of the elder’s behaviour one bit. 

“It’s a bit hard to trust someone who lumps all girls together, that’s all I’m saying,” Chanyeol tried to reason from the other side of the room. Jongin had no idea what they were arguing about but they’d been at it for long enough for him to mostly tune it out and just get on with answering his emails. Idols, one might be surprised to find out, tended to get a ridiculous amount of those.

“Well of course it sounds bad when you use words like ‘lump’, I’m just-”

“He’s just generalising”, Junmyeon cut in, suddenly appearing in the doorway, “which, by the way, doesn’t make it any better, Baekhyun.” He was clearly in the process of leaving the apartment, coat halfway on and one foot shoved into a sneaker. Even from where he was sitting, Jongin could hear the manager’s voice yelling at him to hurry up over the phone. 

“Junmyeon, quit lecturing and let’s go, you’re late.” Minseok (honestly the only one who could ever get away with saying something like that to the leader) whined, and power-walked Junmyeon out of the room and into the hallway with a firm hand on the shoulder. He was wearing his ‘going out’ mask and cap, so it was probably safe to assume that they would leave together. Jongin couldn’t be sure though - he had long ago reached the point of being too tired to remember anything but his own schedule.

“He should just take her for a cup of coffee, honestly,” Baekhyun continued on as if nothing had happened, completely ignoring Jongdae’s frustrated huff at being used as a pillow. The two of them barely fit on the small couch, and Jongin was waiting for the moment that one of them would make a wrong move and fall off it completely.

Chanyeol, frustrated, moved within Jongin’s line of sight and swatted at Baekhyun’s socked feet. “He hates coffee, you idiot. It’s like you haven’t known him for half of your life.”

A new message popped up on Jongin’s phone and he decided that no, enough was enough, and he would get back to it sometime later in the day. Figuring he had nothing better to do, he finally raised his head and joined the conversation. “Who are we talking about?”

“You!” Baekhyun snapped as he pushed off Jongdae’s stomach to lunge into a sitting position. His glare, which was directed at - no, _through_ \- Jongin, was withering. “It was you. We were talking about you.” His pink hair flopped into his eyes and at any other time, Jongin would have made a throwaway comment about him looking like a typical anime boy. 

“Wait, me? Really?”

“Are you serious? We’ve been helping you to plan your next date with Soohyun for the past half hour and you didn’t even _know_?” Baekhyun angrily shoved his feet into his slippers and stormed off, slamming the door behind him loudly enough to rattle some of the awards in the display case. Jongdae sighed, grabbed his abandoned phone, and followed him.

“He’ll be sulking so drop by a bit later, yeah?” he said as he left, giving Jongin a look he couldn’t quite decipher. 

“Well that was weirdly intense,” Chanyeol sank into the vacant couch cushions and threw his legs up onto the coffee table with a clatter. Some of the haphazardly stacked magazines slid off to splay over the floor, covers bending back in a way that made Jongin wince and move to straighten them. “Are you okay?” 

Stiltedly, Jongin nodded. “Yeah. I mean, I’m confused as hell but I’m alright.”

Chanyeol didn’t say anything for a while, busying himself with his phone intently. From where he was sat, Jongin could just about see him going through his Spotify playlists, possibly picking out something that would be loud enough to drown out the sound of Baekhyun’s angry gaming and give them enough privacy to speak comfortably. 

“You really didn’t hear us talking about it?”

Jongin felt his fingers clench tightly and he made a concentrated effort to relax his hands. Speaking more towards his whitened knuckles than to Chanyeol, he said, “I thought everyone knew I’d broken up with her, that’s all.” His phone lit up with a new notification but he ignored it, turning it to lay face-down on the floor. It buzzed a few more times and then fell silent. Finally, Chanyeol settled on some loud, bass-heavy music that Jongin had never heard before.“He’s not really angry is he?”

“Well now it’s like _you_ haven’t known him for half of _your_ life.” Chanyeol waved Jongin over to sit next to him on the couch in an uncoordinated movement. “He’ll just sulk a bit and then get over it, you know he always does.”

Jongin settled in, not too close but not so far that Chanyeol would pick up on the careful distance. “I don’t see why he’s so worked up about it though.”

“Oh man,” Chanyeol heaved a sigh and shuffled closer so that he could rest his head on Jongin’s shoulder, smoothly bypassing any boundaries Jongin had attempted to set up, “you really don’t know anything, do you.” 

His hair smelled strongly of that new shampoo he had been desperate to try out for the past few months. He had waxed on and on about it to Jongin before buying it - had been trying to decide whether it was something that was really worth spending an extra penny on. For what reason he had chosen Jongin to seek advice from, he didn’t know. “Nothing at all.”

  
  


For some reason which Jongin couldn’t explain - not in the moment and not retrospectively, when he thought back on it later - the words hurt just a little bit more than they usually did. Chanyeol, like Baekhyun (like many people really) tended to express himself dramatically, or exclusively through jokes. The way he said things - or the actual things that he said - rarely ran that deeply. Sure, there were times when he was serious, but then - in that moment in the living room of one of their spare flats with Chanyeol’s head on Jongin’s shoulder - was clearly not one of those times. For all intents and purposes, Chanyeol had just hinted at there being something more to the situation than Jongin was privy to.

But why did it sting so much? Why, after hearing Chanyeol imply he was dumb (he didn’t, not at all, surely not) did Jongin find it a little harder to breathe?

“I need to make a phone call,” he choked out, then left.

***

He booked a ticket to a ballet performance that night because he liked ballet, and it was a niche enough hobby that nobody would really want to tag along. 

At their first - and only - date, Soohyun had asked what it was about the ballet that he enjoyed. “Not that I think it’s weird or bad or anything,” she had rushed to clarify while sipping at the iced Americano that Jongin had bought for her, “I just want to understand it a bit better. I can tell you about the things I like too, if you want.”

She had been dressed in a billowy summer dress, white and light blue to match the clear sky, and a thin grey cardigan resting over her small shoulders. She had laughed clearly too, had one of those really airy voices that made her words sound more like a song than anything else. Her mannerisms, too, were gentle. Honestly, she had been lovely.

Jongin had insisted she talk first in the hopes that she’d forget all about her question, and it had worked. She spoke about the artists she liked, their life stories, their collections of work. She was doing an art degree, she said, something to do with Japanese traditional art and how it compared to the Korean folk style - or _Minhwa_ as it was usually referred to as. 

She was particularly fond of Utamaro. “Do you know about _ukiyo_ at all?” For the first time since the start of their date, she looked excited. “You wouldn’t come across it unless you were really looking for it, so I doubt it.”

Jongin confirmed that he had no clue what it was.

“It’s also called the ‘floating world’,” Soohyun patiently explained. “Generally, it’s the idea of being detached from life, or the burdens of life. Does that make sense?”

Jongin nodded to let her know that he understood.

“Utamaro used it in his work a lot,” she took a sip of her drink, “though his was mostly about brothels and intimacy and all that. But I suppose we all see _ukiyo_ in different things.” Jongin thought of quiet evenings with Chanyeol, the aircon blasting even as they sat too close together in the impossible heat, playing their way through the games of their childhood - Super Mario 64, Street Fighter, anything from Chanyeol’s collection really.

At the end of the date, Jongin gave her Junmyeon’s phone number. “It’s not that I didn’t enjoy myself,” he tried to explain but she waved it away breezily. 

“I understand. I hope you can find someone to go to the ballet with you, Jongin.” Her dress fluttered beautifully as she walked away. All-in-all, Jongin didn’t feel like it had been a waste of time. 

***

_Jongin leant back against the bed frame, staring up at the uneven surface of the ceiling. The words fell from his lips before he could do anything to stop them. “Hey hyung, have you ever kissed a boy?” His heart lurched as he realised what he'd said._

He was stretched out on someone’s bed - he supposed it was Sehun’s whenever he decided to stay in that apartment - with Junmyeon’s battered iPod sifting through its library through his earbuds. It was sometime between late afternoon and early evening, and the light had started to fade outside, sending weak sunbeams crawling through the blinds and scattering over the floor. It felt as if time had stopped, although not in the good sense, not in the way it usually did on those rare evenings that he had time free from his schedule. Absently, he allowed himself to wonder why that was. 

He came to the conclusion that it was Chanyeol. In the end, it always seemed to come down to Chanyeol. 

He was on the other bed, watching something on his phone and not paying attention to Jongin at all, not even after such a raw question. A moment too late, Jongin noticed the airpods wedged in his ears.

He tried to pluck up the courage to ask again and was almost successful, but backed down at the last minute. He relaxed into the pillows instead, picking up a whiff of Sehun’s favourite laundry detergent. It was calming, at least for the moment.

Noticing the aborted attempt at conversation, Chanyeol shifted. “Sorry, what was that you said?” he pulled one of the earbuds out and rolled over until he was propped up on his elbow. The phone screen was dark. Jongin had all of his attention. 

“I just—“ his heart stuttered for a moment and he choked on his next breath, “I just. Hyung.” Chanyeol didn't laugh at him even though it looked like he was close to it, just pushed up to sit cross-legged on the bed. 

The oversized t-shirt he was wearing - with some Metallica design that Jongin didn’t ever remember Chanyeol wearing before - hung off one shoulder. Jongin did his utmost best not to stare too hard. 

“Something about kissing wasn’t it?” So Chanyeol had heard after all. His eyes glistened in that mischievous way they always did when there was new drama going on. Jongin easily felt the heat creep up his neck and to his face and resigned himself to the fact that he was beginning to resemble a ripe tomato.

“Y-yeah. About kissing. Something about that.” He realised that he was making it much more embarrassing than it had to be but just he couldn’t stop the stuttering, couldn’t help but feel pinned under Chanyeol’s heated gaze. He was playing right into it, was walking into the trap he had set for himself, but he couldn’t stop himself. 

“About kissing. And about boys?” Chanyeol grinned and leant forward like an excited kid, ignoring the way his phone clattered to the floor with the movement. Jongin shrunk back a little, uncomfortable. He knew that Chanyeol knew it too, and that he kept teasing despite that.

It wasn’t mean but it tugged painfully at Jongin’s insides and he pushed himself up too, settled cross-legged on the edge of the bed and tried to stare Chanyeol down. He wanted to be brave, wanted to say what he meant just once in his damn life. But he couldn’t. 

“Has Junmyeon-hyung ever kissed a boy?” he asked instead, trying to convince Chanyeol as much as himself of that being his initial question. “It’s just that a song— a song came up on his playlist. And. And I remembered and just—“. He cut himself off for both of their benefit. 

“I don’t know,” Chanyeol’s eyes shone with a barely-suppressed mirth, “why are you asking me?” 

Jongin tried for a smile and Chanyeol cackled, throwing his head back and laughing loudly. Jongin didn’t know why he even bothered to ask in the first place. It didn’t feel like a mistake though, and he didn’t exactly regret it.

Grumpily, he shoved the earbuds back into his ears and cranked the volume up higher to block out the sound of Chanyeol’s laughter. Chanyeol laughed for a while (Jongin had no clue what had been so funny) before grabbing his phone and crawling unapologetically onto Jongin’s bed. He flopped onto the pillow, fighting for space with his elbows. 

Boldly, he reached over to pull out Jongin’s right earbud and placed it into his ear without leaving any opportunity for dispute. “Let me listen too.” He pried the blue iPod from Jongin’s fingers to change the song. “Man, Junmyeon-hyung has a funky music taste.” Jongin left him to sift through the music library, closing his eyes and relaxing into the warm pillow. Eventually, Chanyeol settled on a song that Jongin had never heard before.

“What’s this?” Jongin didn’t particularly care - if Chanyeol wanted to listen to it then they were listening to it - but he found that he quite enjoyed the rumble of the elder’s voice as he talked. Maybe he hadn’t been able to relax before because it had been too quiet. Chanyeol’s voice filled up the silence.

“It’s an American indie band”, he started to explain while looking at the ceiling, “this is from their second studio album.” He kept talking and Jongin kept listening, just the two of them on their backs, arms brushing as they lay side by side. At some point, Jongin felt the nudge of Chanyeol’s shoulder as he moved closer. 

Chanyeol didn’t put the song on automatic repeat (he seemed to like the start of it more than he liked the end and kept clicking it back to the beginning before it had a chance to finish) so Jongin wasn’t too surprised when it suddenly clicked over to a new track. He waited for it to cut back but opened his eyes when it didn’t happen for a while and a strong guitar riff continued to cut across the balance they had. 

But Chanyeol didn’t change it back and when Jongin looked over he found him asleep, head tilted to the side with his mouth slightly open. He was drooling on the pillow a little bit, but Jongin found it to be more endearing than gross.

Jongin had never been one to believe in otherworldly signs but he decided, in that moment, not to push it - if the song had stopped then maybe the universe was nodding at him to stop too. He didn’t bother with untangling the earphones, just set the song to repeat and left Junmyeon’s iPod on the pillow before he left. 

***

It was a few days before they were alone together again. It wasn’t that Jongin was actively avoiding it, but he wasn’t pushing it either - he stuck to the principle of letting fate do its job. It was an approach Chanyeol would take, Jongin thought, which was probably a sign that it wasn't the _best_ philosophy to be following. But things seemed to turn out okay for Chanyeol, in the end, so surely it wasn’t too bad of a strategy.

Jongin needed to stop thinking so much about so little. 

“I wish we could rob a bank or something. Break into someone’s yard and swim in their pool,” Chanyeol said wistfully, sprawled on his front on Jongin’s bed and flipping absently through one of Junmyeon’s mangas. The slow turning of pages had been just enough to keep Jongin from falling asleep and he jerked awake as it suddenly stopped and a book smacked loudly on his arm. 

“Hey!” Chanyeol complained petulantly, “I’m daydreaming here. Pay attention.”

Reluctantly, Jongin rolled over into his side and forced his eyes to open and focus. It was hard enough to stay awake, let alone to formulate an answer, but Jongin tried for Chanyeol’s sake (he had always hated the thought of disappointing him in any way). 

“Firstly, this isn’t California,” he pointed out, “and secondly, I feel like the gravitas of those crimes is vastly different.”

“Gravitas,” Chanyeol scoffed but he didn’t sound annoyed, or, Jongin doesn’t get the impression that he was being laughed at. The feeling itself was kind of weird and one that probably not everybody would understand, and it was a feeling that he had only ever associated with Chanyeol. He had never stopped to think about what that meant. 

“That song you showed me before”, Jongin said, “I liked it. What if we make a playlist?” _For other days like this,_ he didn’t add, _so I can have something to listen to and pretend I’m in that moment again, with you._

“I was actually thinking of teaching you how to play the guitar,” Chanyeol said, more to _Hajime no Ippo_ than to Jongin, “I wanted to teach you the song we listened to last time, but when I listened through to it again I realised there was hardly a guitar part at all.”

Jongin blinked slowly. “Oh. Yeah, that’s fine.”

“But then I bought a ukulele! Let me show you…” Chanyeol sat up excitedly and scrambled off the bed, oblivious to leaving Junmyeon’s book prawled open with the pages bent. Jongin couldn’t say why they always commandeer the same room but he felt like it couldn’t be too long before they would be kicked out. While he waited for Chanyeol he fixed up the bedsheets and slipped the book back onto the shelf. 

Chanyeol bounded back into the room, guitar and ukulele occupying each hand. He leant the guitar against the bed and then passed Jongin the ukulele, warm fingers directing Jongin’s hands in holding the instrument correctly. He ended up cradling it, fingers barely brushing the fretboard in fear of somehow breaking the whole thing. 

Chanyeol leant in close, pushed Jongin’s fingers around until they were forming a chord and tried strumming. Belatedly, Jongin realised he wasn’t leaning away (he was not that great with people being in his personal space and all that) but rather peering closer to see what Chanyeol is doing, their heads almost bumping against each other.

“Listen, I’m not as competent as you think I am,“ he dutifully reminded his teacher.

Chanyeol just scoffed. “As if I didn’t know that already. Don’t worry, Jongin, I have no high expectations.” The joke, once again, landed harder than it was meant to. “Keep repeating the same three chords I showed you just now, yeah? I’ll take care of the rest.” 

  
  


It was a struggle to coordinate but, despite what Chanyeol may have said or thought, Jongin _could_ play (had performed with it even) so they found their rhythm quickly enough. Jongin could admit that he was out of practice, and the strings hurt his fingers more than he remembered them doing before. Chanyeol was patient with him, jumping into an improvisation every time Jongin was slow to change chords. Overall, though, it was nice. Nice, calm and soothing.

Jongin had been taught never to use the word ‘nice’ to describe anything. “It’s an empty word,” his literature teachers had told him in school, “it doesn’t actually mean anything.” But for Jongin, ‘nice’ is a word that had begun to mean _so much._

‘Nice’ was sitting with Chanyeol in a room that nobody knew they were in, playing a completely improvised guitar-ukulele duet that had never been heard before (and would never be heard again). ‘Nice’ was talking quietly in the van when everybody around them was asleep after a long day of schedules. ‘Nice’ was standing side by side in a hotel suite bathroom, washing off their makeup while complaining about the hair dye sucking the moisture out of their hair. Mundane moments, empty conversations. But they were nice. Jongin enjoyed them.

That evening, Jongin dug up Soohyun’s number. 

***

Jongin had never been to the National Museum of Modern and Contemporary Art before, but with a great guide like Soohyun, he found himself wishing he had gone sooner. It wasn’t that he had a particular interest in the artworks themselves, but the way that Soohyun talked about them made him _feel._ Through her, he could enjoy everything the artists had wanted him to. 

She was dressed just as beautifully as the first time - a beige ensemble that looked neither too busy nor too bland. “I find that Kim Eunho’s works are the most pleasing to the eye in this whole place,” she said as they passed from one hall to the next, “but I doubt that you called me here to talk about that.” 

“It’s okay,” Jongin reassured her, “I like hearing you talk about art.” 

“If I was any more naive, I would have misunderstood your intentions.” The way Soohyun spoke was quiet and reserved, though she didn’t necessarily come across as shy. Jongin found that this similarity in their behaviour was enough for him to feel completely at ease. 

  
  


They stopped in front of a white canvas with a scattering of black lines. To Jongin, it looked somewhat like a trellis fence. Soohyun tilted her head to the side and regarded the painting thoughtfully. “What is your first thought when you look at this?”

“Chanyeol wouldn’t understand what it’s meant to be,” Jongin answered immediately. “I’m not sure that I do either.” 

Soohyun hummed softly. “To me, it looks like the Chinese character 人,” she drew it in the air for Jongin to visualise, “for ‘person’. It looks like many of those stacked up on top of each other.” 

“I suppose you’re right.” Jongin scratched at his ear. 

“Don’t,” Soohyeon laughed breezily and started walking away, “my interpretation could be just as wild as yours. Don’t trust my word just because you think I know art.” She didn’t ask who Chanyeol was to Jongin and didn’t pry into why he was the first person Jongin had thought of. 

They walked around the whole gallery at their own pace but didn’t hang around to drink coffee after - they both knew that it was not a date. Jongin offered to walk her to the subway station but Soohyun declined. Just before they parted ways, she took hold of his cold hands and purposefully caught his gaze. 

“Take Chanyeol to see that painting sometime,” she said in that gentle voice of hers without breaking eye contact. Her eyes, especially up close, were very pretty. “Maybe he’ll surprise you.” 

She messaged to let him know that she got home safe, but they didn’t talk after that. Jongin wondered whether all friendships were meant to be like that.

***

Because he was a coward, Jongin asked Baekhyun first. 

“So you want me to forgive you that easily, huh?” Baekhyun huffed just as Jongdae leant over to take another helping of Yu Shang Shrimp from the collection of Chinese take-out dishes in the centre of their circle. They’d settled on the floor of one of their practice rooms, newspapers catching any stray sauce from the food they had ordered in as an early-end-of-practice treat.

Chanyeol’s eyes seemed more guarded than usual. “Why a gallery though? So suddenly?” He looked like he would rather ask _‘why suddenly with Baekhyun?’_

“There’s a painting I wanted to ask about,” Jongin said directly to Baekhyun because for some reason he couldn’t seem to look Chanyeol in the eye.

Baekhyun fed some duck to Sehun who was sat beside him, scrolling through his phone with disinterest. “And of course you need my professional opinion?” His hand quivered and some of the sauce smeared on Sehun’s face. He grunted and shoved the elder playfully. Baekhyun, though, didn’t smile.

Jongin nodded. “Something like that.” 

“Well, sorry to disappoint but I have a thing with Heechul whenever it is you plan to go. Thanks for thinking of me though.” He seemed unexplainably angry all of a sudden, though Jongin wasn’t sure why. Jongdae too, pointedly didn’t look at Jongin for the rest of the meal, sticking close to both Baekhyun and Chanyeol and disappearing as soon as the two of them decided to head off.

“You guys tidy up,” he said to Jongin and Sehun before throwing on his coat and rushing to catch up. 

  
  


For a few minutes, Jongin and Sehun packed away in silence. There wasn’t much to do and between the two of them they made quick work of binning the empty containers and collecting the unfinished drinks. Sehun, for a change, was quiet. 

“What’s gotten into everybody recently?” Jongin said, frustratedly knocking his shoulder against Sehun’s. The younger gave him a half-hearted smile and shrugged, though it was obvious that he knew at least part of what was going on. 

“I’m clearly missing out on something,” Jongin grabbed Sehun by the elbow to stop him from walking away, “and I seem to be the bad guy in the whole scenario.” The smile slipped off Sehun’s face and he suddenly looked very uncomfortable.

“Look,” he sighed, “I’m just as annoyed about getting caught up in everything as you are, but I promised some people not to share some things. Please don’t make me tell you anything.” 

“I literally have no idea what’s going on,” Jongin reiterated. Sehun shrugged. 

“You have at least three people you should be talking to about this, and none of them are me,” he said. “It’s not that hard to figure out who they are.” With that, he slung his duffel bag over his shoulder and left the room. Jongin, for lack of anything better to do, let him go quietly. 

***

The next time Jongin called Soohyun to meet up, she declined.

“It’s not my company you’re seeking, Jongin,” she said, voice just as soft over the phone as it always was in person. Jongin didn’t know why he had decided to call - maybe he had started to view her as a girl who deserved more than a text. “I have a date tomorrow anyway, and I’d rather go to that. If it’s okay with you, that is.”

Jongin briefly wondered whether that date was with Junmyeon. He swallowed down his shame. “Of course it’s okay,” he said quickly, “I’m sorry.” 

“What are you sorry for?” Jongin knew Soohyun well enough to recognise when she wasn’t asking in order to receive an answer. “I just think it’s time for us to find our own _ukiyo,_ that’s all.”

“I understand.” Jongin wondered where Soohyun was and what she was doing. It was quiet on her end of the line so maybe she was at home, studying for her next college exam or doing some last-minute preparations: she had told him that she was helping to host an exhibition for freelance artists at the weekend. She had been excited about it, though apprehensive at the same time. 

_It’s the first time I’m planning something that big,_ she had told him, _I don’t want it to go wrong._ Her lips looked exceptionally pretty when she spoke and Jongin had been too distracted by the soft colour of her lipstick to give a comforting answer. 

Her soft voice drew him back to the present, to her turning him down. “It’s clear that it’s not with each other, do you agree?”

“Completely.” He hung up first because he was embarrassed and there was a deeply uncomfortable feeling of shame that he can’t quite seem to swallow down. 

***

_Ukiyo_ , Jongin found after some Googling, was similar to but not the same as _Ukiyo-e._ He almost thought of calling Soohyun just to tell her of this newfound knowledge but stopped before pressing the call button. It wasn’t the fact that she was probably aware of the distinction already that stopped him, it was more that she wasn’t really who he wanted to tell. Instead, he browsed for Chanyeol’s number. 

“Jongin,” Chanyeol answered after three rings. Jongin could barely hear him over the loud conversations and bustling traffic in the background; he was probably in a mall somewhere. 

“ _Ukiyo_ is not the same as _Ukiyo-e_ ,” he said without any introduction. He didn’t know what he had been expecting in response but Chanyeol hanging up was not it. 

_‘Let me find a quiet place and call you back’_ , Chanyeol sent after a few seconds and something deep within Jongin’s chest cracked. Choking on a shuddering breath, he wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans and waited for the call.

The line was much quieter the second time. “What was that you were saying?”

“It’s just-” Jongin tripped over his words, “just Japanese art. I don’t know. Are you busy?” 

“A little bit busy, yeah,” Chanyeol didn’t sound annoyed though, and Jongin reminded himself to keep breathing. “You were saying something about _ukiyo_ I think. I’m sure you said _ukiyo_ , didn’t you?” 

“Yeah. It’s. It’s like a detachment from life,” Jongin echoed Soohyun’s words, “it means ‘floating world’.”

Chanyeol hummed. “And the other one?”

“Oh. Well, _Ukiyo-e_ is an art style rather than a concept. It’s, like, the paintings of _ukiyo_. I just. I thought it was pretty cool.”

Chanyeol hummed again. “It _is_ pretty cool.”

For a few seconds, they didn’t say anything. Jongin knew what he had really called for, knew that Chanyeol was also aware. They were both waiting to see whether Jongin would be a coward about it and back out without saying anything. Jongin remembered the guarded look on Chanyol’s face the day before, thought of the brusqueness with which Baekhyun had talked to him since. He recalled the way Sehun’s shoulders had drooped and the way that everyone had seemed to be avoiding him. _It’s time to find our own ukiyo,_ Soohyun had said. 

“I want you to come to the gallery with me,” Jongin finally whispered. 

“Sure.” Jongin could feel the warmth in Chanyeol’s voice as he answered. “We can talk about it more when I get back. Thanks for calling me, Jongin.” 

_You shouldn’t have to thank me,_ Jongin wanted to say. “No problem. I’ll see you when you get back.” 

Even as he sat in the silence of the room after the call had ended, Jongin didn’t feel like he had made a mistake. He opened up a new tab on his browser and typed in the museum’s web address. 

***

Jongin heard Chanyeol coming home but didn’t go out to greet him, just kept sitting on the bed in his dark room and staring at the wall. He’d had one of Chanyeol’s playlists on as background noise but it hadn’t been set to repeat, so he had been sitting in silence ever since the last song had ended. He could not guess how long ago that was. 

It wasn’t that lonely, Jongin had come to realise, being alone in the dark. For one, he could listen to Chanyeol puttering around the flat without distraction. He could follow his movements just through the narrative of sound: Chanyeol taking off his boots in the hallway; Chanyeol flinging his coat over the back of the couch; Chanyeol pouring water into the kettle to make himself some herbal tea. 

He was paying such close attention that he almost missed the moment that Chanyeol pushed the door open with his foot and shuffled in, carefully carrying two mugs of tea on some sort of weird tray he must have found lying around somewhere. Jongin rushed up to at least turn on the light but Chanyeol squared up until he sat back down onto the bed, craning his neck to keep looking up. 

“Just find me something to put the mugs on,” Chanyeol instructed and Jongin immediately rushed to shove a nearby manga book onto the nightstand. “Thanks. Sit down, sit down, I’m fine.” Chanyeol placed the mugs down carefully, though some scalding hot tea still managed to spill down the side and pool onto the cover of _Lone Wolf and Cub_. 

“I think there are tissues here somewhere-“

“It’s alright,” Chanyeol interrupted with his hands on Jongin’s shoulders, “I’m sure Junmyeon won’t mind too much. Just sit down.” He ensured that Jongin wasn’t about to move and then dropped down next to him on the bed, bouncing them up and down a few times with the sudden movement. 

The tea was camomile, a rare flavour that Jongin only liked on those days that he was overwhelmingly stressed. He wasn’t sure how Chanyeol always seemed to be in tune with his state of emotional stability, how he always seemed to know exactly what kind of drink he needed at that moment. He didn’t waste time in questioning it, just enjoyed the smooth flavour of the tea as it warmed his body. 

  
  


They drank in silence for a few moments but there was too much tension for them to keep it that way. Jongin knew that Chanyeol knew he was nervous and it grated on him, had him practically vibrating with energy.

Before he could force himself to say something, Chanyeol, as usual, beat him to it. “When do you have a day free from schedule?” 

“Day after tomorrow. Do you want to…?” Jongin left the question open just in case Chanyeol had actually been talking about something else. 

“Come on,” Chanyeol bumped his shoulder against Jongin’s and then hissed when some of the hot tea spilled over his hand. Jongin rushed to put his own mug down and patted around the nightstand for the box of tissues that had always been there. 

“Are you alright?” He grabbed Chanyeol’s hand and started patting it down vigorously with the tissue, “does it hurt a lot?” He tried to tilt it under the light to check for any burns and was relieved to see that it didn’t look too bad. 

“It’s fine,” Chanyeol smiled but left Jongin to his fussing, “you don’t need to worry so much.” Jongin didn’t reply.

‘ _I’m not worried’_ would be a lie, and ‘ _I’m not fussing’_ wouldn’t quite work either. Instead, he decided to steer the conversation back on track. “Are you also free the day after tomorrow? For the gallery?” 

“It’s a museum technically, isn’t it?” Chanyeol teased. Even in the dim light (Chanyeol had left the door partially open), Jongin could see his eyes sparkling with mischief. He thought that maybe, slowly, he was starting to become accustomed to Chanyeol’s specific brand of teasing. Maybe even one day he would be able to tease Chanyeol back in the same way, confidently. 

“Same-same,” Jongin sighed.

Chanyeol reached over to ruffle his hair fondly. “Different-different.”

They didn’t sit together for too long - just until Chanyeol finished his tea. He didn’t really tell Jongin why he was leaving, just stood up and took his mug with him. “Don’t sleep too late,” he told Jongin at the door, but other than that he said nothing. It was okay though, Jongin thought, he shouldn’t have to explain himself, or give an excuse in order for Jongin to let him go. 

***

“I thought your excursion, as it were, is in the evening?” Jongin hadn’t noticed Baekhyun when he had first entered the kitchen but he was there, sitting on the countertop while reading something on his phone. He didn’t look up when he talked to Jongin. He was wearing an oversized yellow t-shirt with a fading Bugs Bunny printed on the front, and Jongdae’s pyjama shorts. His feet were bare, and his heels hit the wooden cupboard doors with a dull thud every time that he swung his legs back against them. 

Jongin continued to put together two lunch boxes - packing the sandwiches neatly together so that they wouldn’t get crushed while he carried them. “A bit later, yeah. I just wanted to get this done without being in a rush.”

“That’s cool.” Jongin heard Baekhyun hop down from the counter and pad softly across the room to him. He hovered for a few moments, then reached around to help when it became obvious that Jongin couldn’t stack everything neatly. His elbow dug into Jongin’s side. “You never played tetris as a kid? It’s easy. Suitcases, lunchboxes, it’s all the same.”

Jongin looked down, embarrassed, but Baekhyun just gave him a friendly nudge with his hip. “Get out of the way, let the expert do it.” He had everything put together in a matter of seconds and hit Jongin on the shoulder as he walked away.

“Wait,” Jongin called out without really knowing what he wanted to say. Baekhyun looked back and raised an inquisitive eyebrow. “What will you be doing with Heechul today?”

Baekhyun’s mouth curved up into a half-smile. “Talking shit, playing games. You know how it is. The kind of stuff you do with Chanyeol.”

“Heechul would never step foot into a gallery and we know it,” Jongin said. It was almost, probably, a joke. 

“And you and Chanyeol would?” Baekhyin picked up his phone on his way out of the kitchen. “It’s just all very sudden, this gallery talk.” The door to his room slammed shut. 

***

“Baekhyun clearly has a problem about me going with Chanyeol,” Jongin spluttered into the phone as soon as Soohyun picked up. He didn’t know why he was calling her, didn’t know when she became the default person to listen to his stupid problems. But besides his group members and managers, he had very few people to talk to, and out of those, none would listen to him as patiently as Soohyun did. She was also good at turning him down kindly. 

“I’m sure that’s not really the problem,” she consoled in her soft voice. She was in a cafe, by the sounds of it, with the ambient chatter of customers in the background. 

“I think it is,” Jongin’s fingers prickled with cold sweat. “He really, really hates me.”

Jongin just about heard Soohyun quietly saying, “give me a minute” to someone before it suddenly grew a lot quieter on her end. “Can you hear me better now, Jongin?” Her voice echoed slightly and Jongin wondered whether she was hiding out in the bathroom to talk to him. What a waste of time. 

“I’m sorry I’m-“

“Jongin,” she cut across his panicked rambling, “tell me where you are.”

***

She arrived, surprisingly, with Junmyeon. As soon as he had entered the key code she had pushed past, stepping out of her red heels in the hallway and running up to Jongin who sat, nervously vibrating, on the couch. She didn’t touch him, just gave him a quick once-over to check that he wasn’t hurt, then crouched down in front of his bouncing knees.

Junmyeon, meanwhile, hung up both of their coats and bags on the clothes pegs by the door (Soohyun must have carelessly abandoned them too) and padded into the kitchen. Jongin observed all this happening with detachment. Had they been on a date together? Had he interrupted their time? 

Soohyun had even curled her hair for the occasion, he noticed, had put more effort into her appearance than she normally did. Her nails were red to match her shoes and, upon closer inspection, her lipstick. 

“Baekhyun doesn’t hate you,” Junmyeon said as he walked back into the room with a glass of water. He placed it onto the coffee table nearby and gently pulled Soohyun up and onto the couch, so that she could sit more comfortably. He sat behind her rather than on the other side of Jongin, probably so that he didn’t feel caged in. 

“Are you sure?” Jongin’s fingers dug into the fabric of his sweatpants. 

“There’s something bothering him,” Junmyeon stated factually, “but he doesn’t hate you.”

“I want to ask him about it but I don’t want to make him angrier.” 

Soohyun reached out to stop his fingers from digging into his thighs any more. Her hands were warm and dry, but smooth. They felt nice and Jongin briefly wondered whether Junmyeon had had the chance to hold them yet. 

“It’s always worth talking things through, even if it will make them angry in the moment,” she said. “I’m sure his anger is superficial and won’t last for a long time.” 

“He’ll be glad that you’re trying to understand him,” Junmyeon chimed in, leaning his elbow on the back of the couch and peering from behind Soohyun’s shoulder. They made a good pair - had those parent vibes that was reassuring and quite sweet at the same time. 

“You can try calling him if you like,” Soohyun suggested, “sometimes it’s easier to talk things over that way. Some people don’t like it though, so be prepared to accommodate.”

Junmyeon sent Jongin a reassuring smile. “Just hear him out. Listen without interrupting and then say your piece.” He reached behind Soohyun and patted Jongin fondly on the head, ruffling his bangs. His touch was warm and confident.

***

He waited until Junmyeon and Soohyun had gone to make the call. He had treated them to lunch for interrupting their date (though they assured him that it wasn’t necessary), whipping up a simple meal while they chatted quietly on the couch. He didn’t listen in on their conversation and just threw together a quick salad with the last of the sesame oil from the storage cupboard. They talked about Soohyun’s exhibition while they ate, and about some future projects that she was planning. Then, they left.

Jongin carried the plates over to the kitchen, shoved them into the sink, and then settled onto the couch with his phone. His lockscreen was of him and Chanyeol. They had snuck out at night to traipse around Hong Kong without the managers or other members knowing and causing a ruckus, and had stayed out until dawn. With the streets beginning to crawl with early city life, the two of them had found an empty tennis court hidden away behind some buildings and had conducted an impromptu photoshoot. Jongin’s lockscreen was of, in his opinion, the cutest photo. 

  
  


Baekhyun picked up after the first ring. “I’m literally about to go home,” he said hurriedly, “can you wait for me a bit?” That was that, then.

***

Baekhyun didn’t call him during his commute so Jongin took the time to comb over the place once more. He ran over the place with a vacuum and did some light dusting. Anything, really, to pass the time. At one point, Kyungsoo stopped by to pick up some of his things on the way to his next schedule but other than that the place was quiet.

Jongin whacked on some old TVXQ albums on the speakers and settled in to wait, browsing his phone as a distraction but ultimately remaining tense and on edge.

Baekhyun entered as noisily as he always did - kicking off his shoes and flinging his coat somewhere in the vicinity of the clothes pegs. He kept Jongin waiting for a while as he puttered around the apartment, taking his time in making himself comfortable. When he finally sat down, he was in more comfortable clothes and without his makeup.

“I’m ready now,” he informed Jongin. 

“I just wanted to know what was up,” Jongin said, “with us. With you and me specifically. And I guess Chanyeol. And probably Jongdae too.”

Baekhyun sighed but not in a way that seemed exasperated, more like he was gathering his thoughts. “I was with Heechul just now, talking things over and kind of...processing. It was insightful, you know? I never thought he’d be a particularly good listener.”

Jongin followed Junmyeon’s advice and listened attentively without saying a word.

“I mean, he wasn’t really, we just kind of played games for a really long time and then went out for some food but it was, how to say it - cathartic? - nonetheless. He’s also really good at talking frankly. Good at pointing out obvious stuff you don’t want to acknowledge.” Baekhyun paused for a moment, looking unsure of himself (it didn’t suit him, Jongin didn’t like it). 

“I’m sorry if I was weird with you these past few days. Can we start with that apology and go from there?”

“Sure, it’s alright. I was just,” Jongin tried to condense his feelings down into one word, “confused.” It was more than that and they both knew it, but it didn’t have to be said.

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that, really. It was kind of like ghosting but to your face. Heechul said it’s kinda hard to accomplish being as rude as that without actually doing anything.” Jongin didn’t speak. “I guess secondly, I want to wish you all the best with ‘Yeol. I was clinging on to you both a bit much, maybe, and that ended up burning you. It’s just. I watched you go through so many dates and never meet with those people again. Then you found Soohyun and I thought, ‘oh, maybe here’s a girl he will keep and stay with.’”

Baekhyun remained quiet for a long time and Jongin couldn’t keep his question in much longer. “Why did that matter so much to you?” 

“Because I would rather it had been her than Chanyeol,” Baekhyun said after a short silence, “and I would rather it had been me than her. Does that make sense?”

It was Jongin’s turn to take a moment to process things. “I think so. Does Jongdae know? Is that why he’s been so..?”

“Yeah, he knows I like you,” Baekhyun mumbled, a blush rising up his neck, “it’s been ages so he knows. And, uh, Junmyeon knows too I guess. But they’re the only two I can vouch for, I guess the rest are going off what they’ve seen or heard by themselves.”

“But why is Chanyeol so involved in all of this?” Jongin watched as Baekhyun’s eyebrows danced upwards and disappeared under his pink bangs. 

“Are you..? You’re really asking me that?” Baekhyun’s tone was incredulous. “You-- you really have no idea?” Jongin wondered how many more times he would be accused of being oblivious (or whether all three of them - Chanyeol, Sehun, and now Baekhyun - had a point). “Yeah no, this is a wonderful and beautiful thing you’ll have to figure out for yourselves. This is where I clock out.” 

Baekhyun nodded his head in the direction of his bedroom. “Fancy a quick game?” 

***

It wasn’t a quick game. By the time that Minseok dropped by with food after his schedules, Jongin and Baekhyun had played upwards of three games, most of which had lasted about forty minutes. Jongin had never been so invested in League in his whole life, but with Baekhyun’s enthusiasm, managed to become engrossed enough to forget all about the serious conversation they’d had. Only when Minseok interrupted them to drop off two bowls of _japchae_ did Jongin realise that had probably been the point. 

“Thanks dad,” Baekhyun yelled as Minseok was leaving the room. He received a light smack to the side of his head, though Minseok looked more humoured than anything.

“Eat well, kids,” he ruffled Baekhyun’s hair, then left the room. Jongin didn’t hear him leave the apartment over the sound of the selection screen’s background music. 

***

Chanyeol crawled into his bed that night, hooking his chin over Jongin’s shoulder and nuzzling close. It was already stiflingly warm in the room and Jongin groaned, pushing him away.

“I heard you made up with Baekhyun today,” Chanyeol said playfully into the darkness.

“We weren’t fighting.”

“Congratulations anyway,” Chanyeol shuffled closer and Jongin didn’t bother to fight against it, “definitely worth moving the gallery date for.” 

“Date?” Jongin shoved against Chanyeol again.

“Visit,” he quickly amended, “same-same.”

“Different-different,” Jongin echoed the other’s old joke. “It’s a shame about the lunch boxes though.” 

Chanyeol sat up immediately and even in the dark Jongin could see his eyes glittering with intrigue. “What lunch boxes?”

  
  


The food had dried up a little - it had clearly been a mistake to put them together so early in the morning - but was still passable. They ate together on Jongin’s bed, not caring about the crumbs that spilled over their clothes and onto their sheets. Without having to discuss it, Jongin knew that they would move to Chanyeol’s bed to sleep that night. 

“It’s sweet that you made these,” Chanyeol held up the sandwich and admired it’s misshapen form. Embarrassed for some reason, Jongin shoved him again. “Hey! Don’t make me drop it!”

“It’s terrible, what are you so stressed about?” The heat in his cheeks just intensified, though he didn’t know why.

“It’s not terrible, you made it,” Chanyeol reprimanded. “Now quit shoving me and let me finish eating in peace.” 

  
  


Even after they moved to Chanyeol’s bed, they didn’t sleep immediately. It started with Chanyeol wanting to show Jongin a video he had seen recently (it was of a stray kitten being brought into the vets and groomed - very cute) and then dissolved into a binge of the different things they had watched online in the past week and had wanted to share. It was a common catch-up routine, and Jongin had a specific YouTube playlist reserved for it under Chanyeol’s name. 

At quarter to four - an ungodly hour, really - they decided to call it a night and grab however many hours of sleep they’d be able to before the next busy day. They decided not to bother splitting up and crashed as they were, huddled side by side under the thin blanket with Chanyeol’s head on Jongin’s shoulder. It took a while for Jongin to relax. For some reason, his mind kept flitting between Soohyun and Baekhyun. 

_Yeah, he knows I like you,_ Baekhyun had admitted so easily, as if it really wasn’t a big deal. As if liking Jongin was as embarrassing as crushing on the prettiest girl in class in high school. He didn’t seem bothered and disturbed or even confused about it. _I like you,_ he had said. He had been so certain about it. Then, Soohyun. She was pretty, and Jongin definitely felt attraction to her. He had given her Junmyeon’s number himself, but still felt a little bit sad when they walked into the apartment together. 

“Jealousy?” he asked the ceiling. It was Chanyeol who answered.

“If you have to ask the question, then it’s probably jealousy, yeah.” He nuzzled closer to Jongin, digging his face further into Jongin’s shoulder. He didn’t sound like he had been sleeping, so Jongin didn’t apologise for waking him. 

“Can I tell you something?” he asked instead.

“Sure.”

“Baekhyun said he liked me today.” 

“Of course he likes you,” Chanyeol sighed, “can’t believe you even doubted that.” 

“No, no,” Jongin shook his head and accidentally hit Chanyeol with his chin, “he confessed. That he _liked_ me.” Chanyeol stilled a little bit beside him. “Is that...okay?” 

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Chanyeol craned his head to look up at Jongin, bangs falling into his eyes. He looked like a disgruntled kitten and Jongin laughed softly, carding his fingers through the messy strands of hair. 

“I don’t know,” he admitted, “I guess I didn’t see it coming.” Chanyeol smiled and languidly thumped a fist over Jongin’s heart.

“People can never predict what goes on in here, you fool. Why do you think people have been singing and writing about it for so long?”

“And painting,” Jongin added on as an afterthought. His mind wandered back to the painting that looked like a trellis fence waiting for his return in the gallery. “Do you think it’s more reasonable for a painting to look like a trellis or like the Chinese character for ‘people’?” 

“Is it a Korean painting?” Chanyeol asked without thinking too long about it. It was one of the things that fascinated Jongin about him - the way he recalibrated so quickly. He was given information, processed it within seconds, and had a response. Input to output in less than a second. 

“Yeah, though I didn’t get a chance to see who the artist was.”

“What was the character?” 

“I don’t know whether it was or wasn’t. Soohyun said it looked like _人._ ” Jongin drew it out on Chanyeol’s hand (he hadn’t taken it off his chest and it rested there, still over his heart). 

“Isn’t that from our alphabet though?” Chanyeol linked his fingers with Jongin’s and playfully turned his hand over so that it was palm-up. With a long finger, he traced _ㅅ_ . “Isn’t that _siot_ though?”

Jongin didn’t have an immediate reply for that. Why couldn’t it be Korean? It was painted in Korea, by a Korean artist, and was hanging in a Korean gallery. Why hadn’t he thought of that? Why hadn’t Soohyun? 

“Let me guess,” Chanyeol spoke, interrupting his thoughts, “you were the one to say it looks like a trellis?” Jongin’s lack of reply must have been telling enough. “It could be, though. I may not know much about art - it’s not really my thing and all that - but I don’t see why it can’t be all three. Unless, y’know, it has some sort of Chinese proverb written on it somewhere. Then, Soohyun would probably be right.” 

“How can it be a trellis _and_ a Korean letter _and_ a Chinese letter?” For some reason, he was too embarrassed to keep looking down at Chanyeol while they talked, even though he knew that neither of them were art critics - or even knew what they were talking about when it came to art. Still, though, he felt ashamed. _A trellis fence,_ he thought, _honestly._

“How can it be Soohyun _and_ Baekhyun _and_ me?” Chanyeol fired back quickly. 

“What do you mean?” 

“You’re thinking about us all right now, that’s why you can’t sleep. Soohyun and Baekhyun and me. How can you do that all at once?” Jongin tried, he honestly did, to figure out what all that meant. “Now focus on one thing and sleep. It’s already ridiculously late. Or early. Whatever.” 

Conversation successfully ended, Chanyeol burrowed closer into Jongin’s side and closed his eyes. His breaths evened out quickly, though he didn’t stop clinging just as tightly as he had when he was awake. Jongin looked at the ceiling and tried to think of his _ukiyo._ He ended up thinking about Chanyeol anyway.

***

_Yeah, he knows I like you,_ Baekhyun had said. Jongin imagined telling someone, _I like you._ First, he imagined how Baekhyun would react, but wasn’t successful. It wasn’t that he didn’t know Baekhyun well enough, it was just that he couldn’t imagine himself saying something like that to Baekhyun in the first place. 

Then, he thought about Soohyun. Again, it was difficult to envision but he managed somehow. She would reject him, probably, even if she wasn’t dating Junmyeon. They clicked but in their own way, one that wouldn’t quite work if they were in a relationship. Theirs wasn’t a relationship that could ever escape the bracket of friendship, though somewhere, a tiny part of Jongin’s heart felt sad for it. 

He ran through some other people who he could say it to and finally, after actively avoiding it for as long as he could, Jongin thought about Chanyeol. Weirdly enough, even though Jongin was somewhat withdrawn and definitely on the shyer side, it would be him saying those words rather than Chanyeol. _I like you._ Chanyeol would say something like _‘yes of course you do’_ or _‘I would be deeply saddened if you didn’t’._ These responses would be the same whether he understood Jongin’s intentions or not. In fact, a lot would stay the same, even if those words were said.

The only thing left to do, Jongin reasoned, was to give it a try.

***

“I’m not his guard dog, if that’s what you were thinking,” Jongdae said over their next meal together. Jongin had been scrolling through his phone, scoping out which exhibitions were on at the museum so that he could do a bit of background reading before going with Chanyeol. He wanted to impress, for some reason. 

“Guard dog? Whose?” 

“Whose do you think,” Jongdae grumbled, “Baekhyun’s.” Once again, Jongin felt that he was missing a lot of what was going on right before his eyes. Jongdae looked a little put out, swathed in a grey hoodie that was definitely not his and eating without looking up or taking his eyes off the food. Looking at him, Jongin felt sad. 

“I really don’t think Baekhyun needs a guard dog,” he said, “not with his attitude.” It was evidently the wrong choice of words because Jongdae uttered a strained laugh and started to pack up his things. The Jongin from before - before his weird moment of introspective enlightenment - would have just let him go. But the Jongin in the now, the one who was sitting across from his upset group member and friend, could not let things end that way. 

“Wait,” he called out and grabbed at Jongdae’s sleeve, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, nothing to apologise for.” Jongdae ripped his sleeve out of Jongin’s hold but didn’t leave. 

“Do you _want_ to be Baehyun’s guard dog?” Jongin asked gently. Jongdae didn’t say anything, but a voice that sounded very much like Chanyeol’s whispered, _‘he wants to be Baekhyun’s something’_ into his ears. ‘ _We all see ukiyo in different things’,_ Soohyun’s voice whispered, _‘it’s time for us to find our own ukiyo’._ That darned _ukiyo ukiyo ukiyo_ everywhere. 

With Jongin not saying anything for a long time, Jongdae made to leave again. 

“You can find your _ukiyo_ with Baekhyun, you know?” Jongin said.

“Literally what are you on about.” Jongdae stared him down with cold eyes. This was a man clearly on guard, with his hackles raised, ready for some sort of attack. Jongin felt an inexplicable sadness for him. 

“I don’t know, it came out weird,” Jongin said, “I just mean you guys can be happy together. You’re his detachment, not me.”

“That...also sounded weird,” Jongdae said but it didn't sound mean. He sat back down and started picking at his food. “But go on.” 

“Sorry, I’m, uh. Not very good at this. But I just mean, you don’t have to worry about me. I’m not a threat or anything. I’m sorry that it’s taking him a while to realise that he’s looking in the wrong direction, but he will see you eventually.” 

If Jongdae asked him to, Jongin was ready to list the things that made him so certain. They were at the tip of his tongue, and he didn’t doubt that all of the members could come up with a litany of reasons on their own. Baekhyun and Jongdae, in Jongin’s eyes, were the perfect example of ‘detachment’ in its most positive form. 

“I wonder what’s gotten into you lately,” Jogdae said thoughtfully, “I feel like you’ve aged by about three hundred years.” Jongin just shrugged back helplessly. “What about you, then. Can you find that... _ukiyo_ thing with Chanyeol?” 

“Chanyeol?” Jongin blinked back in surprise. “Why him?” 

“This is exactly why Baekhyun finds you so incredibly frustrating, you idiot,” Jongdae thwacked him on the shoulder. “I can’t even tell whether you’re pretending or if you’re actually that oblivious.” 

“A bit of both really,” Jongin flashed a quick smile, finished off his drink, and moved to stand. 

“I’m glad to hear it,” Jongdae flung an arm around Jongin’s shoulders and hip-checked him playfully, “at least you’re on the right track.”

***

The metaphorical ladder to Chanyeol, so to speak, had several rungs and Jongin had only one left before he reached the top. He had passed the rest, had put his foot on them, tested to see whether they were strong enough, done some fixing here and there, and then stepped right on up. After all of these efforts, there was only one remaining. 

He took his time in deciding who to approach on the matter, reserving the breathing spaces in his busy schedule for thinking over his options. Eventually, after several days of sitting back and observing, he settled on Kyungsoo. He picked a time when they were both free and sidled up the elder while he was trying out a new recipe. They talked about simple things for a while - how their families were doing, what their plans for the next few days were, who they had been talking to recently. Eventually, Jongin steered the conversation to the topic he _really_ wanted to discuss. 

“Can I be attracted to women but also a man?” he asked casually.

“Yes, that’s called being bi,” Kyungsoo answered without looking up from dicing the onions. 

“But just one man,” Jongin persisted, “and many girls. Not all at the same time, though,” he amended quickly. 

“Yes, you can find women attractive but still like Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo pushed up his glasses and threw the onions into the mixing bowl. “And yes it’s okay to be jealous that Junmyeon is with Soohyun even though you were technically never together.” He didn’t give Jongin the opportunity to say anything. “Girls are pretty, you love Chanyeol, the world keeps spinning.”

“It does, doesn’t it,” Jongin replied weakly. The last rung of the ladder was as good as skipped over.

***

When Chanyeol pushed and shoved into his bed that night, Jongin was prepared. He focused on the warmth of Chanyeol against his side and took a deep breath. 

“I like you,” he said into the darkness.

“Who?” Chanyeol’s voice held a hint of laughter. “The ceiling?” It was so familiar, so comforting, that Jongin couldn’t help but laugh. His fingers caught Chanyeol’s and he turned onto his side so that they were face-to-face, examining each other in the dim light from peeking under the door. It was just enough for Jongin to make out the way that Chanyeol was looking back at him. 

“Hey hyung, have you ever kissed a boy?”

“C’mere,” Chanyeol murmured lowly and pulled on their joined fingers, “and let me show you what hyung can do to a boy.” 

Jongin fell into the kiss, fell into the ‘niceness’ of sharing that moment with Chanyeol. They moved slowly, unhurriedly, just drawing closer at their own pace with no desire to rush things. Chanyeol’s fingers broke free from Jongin’s tight hold and his hands moved to cup Jongin’s face and bring him closer, licking into his mouth and sucking on his tongue. Jongin relaxed and let it happen, rolling onto his back so that Chanyeol could take whatever he wanted at whatever pace he wanted. Their teeth clacked together a little as they moved but soon Chanyeol was nipping on Jongin’s lower lip again and slipping his tongue back into his mouth, and the moment of clumsiness was forgotten. 

“T-shirt. Off.” Chanyeol didn’t wait for Jongin to comply with his command, just tugged the material roughly up and let Jongin sort out the rest by himself. No sooner had Jongin freed his arms from the sleeves than Chanyeol was back, mouth trailing hot kisses down his neck and over his shoulders, pausing occasionally to mouth at a certain spot whenever he felt like it. Jongin could feel everything, from the way that Chanyeol’s stubble brushed against his skin to the way that their legs had started to tangle together under the sheets, pushing their bodies closer together. They were so close and Jongin was so overwhelmed. 

He pulled at Chanyeol’s shirt clumsily until he sat back and regarded him with dark eyes. “Off?” he whispered hoarsely.

“Fuck, okay.” Chanyeol undressed quickly, shucking off his sweatpants too. “Yours?” he asked and when Jongin nodded, pulled off his pyjama pants as well. Jongin waited for Chanyeol to come closer but he didn’t, not for a while, just admiring Jongin from a distance. 

Jongin pushed up onto his elbow. “You don’t want to?” 

“I do,” Jongin knew Chanyeol well enough to know when the other was torn about something, “I just. Do you?”

Jongin sat up fully. “Of course I do.”

“You only said you liked me about five minutes ago…” Chanyeol’s voice trailed off and Jongin had had enough. Trying to coordinate in the darkness, he reached forward and cupped Chanyeol’s face, resting his thumbs along the strong line of Chanyeol’s jaw. 

“It’s been much longer and we both know it,” he said, “now can we please get back to the kissing? I much preferred that.” 

Chanyeol took a moment to reply and Jongin let him process the situation without pushing him, content to just sit and hold him and wait. “Yeah,” Chanyeol breathed finally, “okay.” 

“Awesome,” Jongin replied because he was relieved and excited (and maybe a little bit lame but that was okay, it was valid). “Please kiss me again, then.” 

  
  


Having Chanyeol hold him, kiss him, fuck him, was maybe not the exact _ukiyo_ that he had set out to find but it was undeniably the right one. Maybe they had hit a bit closer to the original meaning than Jongin had set out to do but he knew the rest would come with it soon enough, however they ended up expressing it. The hard work had been done - the ladder had been climbed and lessons had been learned in the process. Be it with the use of Japanese traditional art and his friends’ misguided crushes on each other (and on him), but Jongin had finally bridged the gap between himself and Chanyeol, had finally reached the seemingly unattainable. It would be Jongin’s turn, from there on, to pay Chanyeol back for the time he spent waiting for Jongin to catch up. 

“What are you thinking about _now?_ ” Chanyeol complained, “I’m trying to suck your dick here.”

“Then get to it,” Jongin teased and cackled at the surprised look Chanyeol gave him. “I wouldn’t have time to think if you’d just-”

The sudden heat of Chanyeol’s mouth was more than enough to shut him up for the rest of the night (his mouth was busy doing other things anyway). 

***

“No yeah you were right,” Chanyeol said while squinting at the canvas before them, “it definitely looks like a trellis.”


End file.
